Yesterday, my 3 yr old came home and complained that her best friend, a little boy hurt her and that he is not her best friend anymore. I tried to explain to her that it could have been an accident so she should let it go and be best friends anyway.
Today, she forgot about it (as any 3 yr old would) and came home with another complaint saying now another friend hurt her. I tried to explain to her that it could have also been a mistake and that she wouldn’t have meant to hurt you because you are her best friend as well. Then, she said “no mommy she is just a friend and “the little boy” from yesterday’s complaint) is my best friend.”
From the above talk with my 3 yr old, I sat with these words:
“just friend”, “best friend”, “hurt”, “accident”, “mistake”, “complain”, “yesterday, ”today”
A person who one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.
It is my 3 yr old’s choice to make one, her “best” friend and another her “just” friend. It’s because her “best” friend does things that she likes the most without conflicting her interests and her “just” friend does things that are different from her interests.
It is OK to choose friends who don’t have conflicting interests but when she is in pre-school with a bunch of kids, it’s not fair to expect all of them to have the same kind of interests as she does. Just because another friend has interest in things that are different from her own interests, she cannot choose to be not nice or impatient with that friend.
If my 3 yr old hurts back, she is going to give more pain to her best friend.
If she does not forget, she may lose her best friend.
If she is afraid, she is going to miss the fun with her best friend.
If she chooses to turn to her “just” friend then she would need to work hard with her own interests.
It’s neither going to be easy nor fair to expect it all from her “just” friend..
If she chooses not to make a new friend based on her past experiences, she would be alone and miss her happiness especially since she is a people lover by nature.
Accident and Mistake!
Accident – Something that is not planned for; Mistake – An error that is not intended to be.
It is possible that one or both have happened with my 3yr old or with her friends.
If my 3 yr old does not see it, she is going to be careless and get hurt again.
If my 3 yr old does not find the error, she is going to repeat the mistake.
If my 3 yr old repeats the mistake, she is going to make it a habit.
If my 3 yr old gets upset with her mistake, she is going to be sad and not learn.
If my 3 yr old does not learn, she is not going to grow up.
It is OK to have dissatisfaction.
It is OK if my 3 yr old chooses to express it to her teacher because she can find a way to fix the problem.
It is OK if my 3 yr old chooses to express it to her mom because she can make her understand and provide comfort.
It is OK if my 3 yr old chooses to express it to her “best” friend because she can make her feel better.
If my 3 yr old chooses to express it to her “just” friend she is stirring up curiosity.
If that curiosity helps in obtaining useful information with intent to help the situation, it is good.
If it is any other intent then it can easily lead my 3 yr old into Dispute & Gossip.
Yesterday & Today!
My 3 yr old came to me yesterday with her complaint about her “best” friend and today with another complaint about her “just” friend.
I am sure she must have taken the same complaint or a different kind even to her teacher with a different kind of hurt.
I can’t control the problems she has to face and the people she has to deal with
It’s not fair for me to expect her to not go through any of it.
If the person to whom she took the complaint is Rude instead of showing Kindness and Patience with the intention of fixing the problem or just be there to comfort her, then my 3 yr old is going to miss the beauty in Joy and Peace!
Right?….Well, there is more!
Hit Ctrl H and Replace number ‘3’ with ‘XX’ – your age and read it….Yeah! Please read it.
Oh boy….I Need my coffee!!!
And I am not done yet!
Keep that number right there & hit Ctrl H and Replace ‘Friend’ with ‘Partner’ and read it again.
Not quite same? Yeah….It’s even bigger!!!
I Need my DRINK!!!
But I am not a Quitter!
I don’t want my 3 yr old or my ‘XX’yr old to lose their Joy and Peace for anything small or anything big.