So, I have messed it up.
Like another year, even this 2020.I know I have multiple reasons to justify why it’s ok for me to mess it up in 2020 but I feel so miserable for doing so as I haven’t done right with my goals and aims as I wanted when the year began.I have been all over the place in 2020 and haven’t been successful in structuring what I wanted to accomplish.
Should I feel sorry, sad and outright frustrated? Maybe yes, cause that’s exactly how I feel right now.It’s better to feel what you want to feel sometimes and not stay there for long. But hey, I have been a stayer for sometime. Should I blame my depression for keeping me there for so long or my depression anyway!!!But I have to beat it one way or the other. Can’t stay long!!!Honestly, I miss my manic mode sometimes. Being Bipolar does and doesn’t come with its own perks. But depression is cruel and real.
How do I overcome this, I struggle. It doesn’t always show in the pictures and posts but it’s outright there guys.Some days are off and some days are ok. But it’s been a while that some days are great.I am only 9 days away from meeting another year in my life. What a ride of 36 years!! Easily another 36 more to go. I like to be optimistic ;)What do I want now? Well, some more love and some more peace.I am not here with an agenda. I am not anywhere with an agenda.I like to keep it free. I like to not entangle myself with too many complications.I like to keep it simple.More love, forgive and repeat. My only mantra.
I once learnt that my spiritual gift is Encouragement. Nothing spooky about being spiritual. It’s simple. You need someone bigger than you to do this life and that’s GOD! Period.So, most of the time I need my own gift to keep myself going. I love to encourage and live encouraged. So coming back to my mess-up…I know I want to keep it clean. So what do I do?…try again?As simple as it sounds, that’s the only answer. TRY AGAIN!I am getting another chance. Who said you only got seven hundred and seventy seven chances…(but oh boy, am I on the 777th one though :-P)Maybe yes, but let’s take another chance and keep it real.You don’t have to impress anybody. You don’t have to do it for anybody. Let’s do it for ourselves.Whatever that is…lets do it again.
Do you know how to start again? I don’t know…but I know I will have to find a way.With some more love and some more peace.
Take it easy sweet-pea, you have gone through quite a lot in life to be where you are right now, so it’s ok if you are being a little slow.Just don’t give up. You know you are not that kind.Let yourself some grace in and judgement out.You are loved more than you will ever know. Surrender yet again and let it be.
Love,
Yourself.
Very well written!! Love you akka!!